Carrying on

Lees post in het Nederlands.


Usually, the reason for me to start writing a blog post is because I need to vent. Writing is just a really good way to get rid of frustration. And well… let’s just say that recently I’ve been writing more than I care to. Actually, if I’m entirely honest, the last few years have been very tough, skin wise. There have been better and worse times, of course, but all in all the effect of eczema on my life is a lot more severe than, say, five years ago.

In the meantime, I put on a brave face and try to keep things under control. But even if I manage to stay focused for a few weeks and decimate my eczema with creams, the treatment and bandages are just as restrictive as the original problem. And that is extremely frustrating.

This is why it hit so hard when a relative made a remark about how incredibly persevering I am, all the time. Cause that’s kinda true, survival is my default state. And receiving his understanding and empathy felt really good. But even more so, it was eye-opening for me to realise that (this part of) life is just plain easier for others.

Because convincing myself every day that it Will Get Better, without any sign of improvement, just drains my energy. At the same time, constantly feeling sorry for myself or simply giving up is not going to make my life any easier.

Disclaimer: The point of view that feeling sorry for oneself is a bad idea, is the result of a well thought out cost-analysis. This is neither a reflection of the opinion, nor a realistic prediction of the emotional state of the writer of this piece. When meeting the writer in real life, or when interacting with another chronically ill individual, it is NOT recommended to provide this ‘comforting’ advise as reassurance.

So, I continue to invest energy in keeping courage and pushing through and ‘someday’. But I’ve been battling this illness for almost thirty years now and my experience and knowledge still prove to be insufficient to keep it under control… and well, frankly, desperation is near. And this desperation has made me more susceptible to taking other paths, because, well, there is no harm in trying, right?

That’s why, three months ago, I took the advice of a friend of mine who is a clinical nutritionist and started a new adventure. She recommended completely changing my eating habits to find out if that would improve my skin. Since dietary research is a topic I know little to nothing about, I’ll refrain from explaining how it could work. But that it’s possible for food to have an influence on your entire system, that I can get in to.

So now… I’m finding courage, again… surviving, again… a new journey, again… but this time I’m on a new path, holding a new map.

The plan? Low-carb (<100g per day), as little sugar as possible (so no fruits either), no dairy (noooooooooooo!!!!!) and plenty of protein and fat (especially fish oils). And yes, I am still allergic to eggs and nuts.

And I carry on.


This post is the first of a series. Continue reading here!

 

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